The Accidental Racist

***The following post is being done solely for comedic purposes.  Even though the following did in fact happen (to my utmost dread), please do not think badly of me.  And whatever you do, don't unfollow me.......and if you do, then you are a fucktard twatwaffle with no sense of humor and don't deserve to follow someone as wickedly funny and insane as me in the first place.    ~Management  [PS:  I credit my sister Dawn with my new favorite term "fucktard twatwaffle".]

I was in Charlotte recently.  I (in case you don't already know) am a complete nerd.  I am a crafter/scrapbooker/artist that attends a yearly convention in Charlotte with a bunch of fellow nerdlings.

It is our Comic Con just without the fat virgin kid dressed like Wolverine.

This year there were eight of us going and we met at the Convention Center on Thursday evening.  I knew five of the chicks (the other being me), but was being introduced to two chicks I had never met.

As we stood in front of the Convention Center discussing where we would eat, my mind/eye starts to wander.  I personally could give a shit less where we would eat, I was more interested in my surroundings.  Across from the Convention Center was a field with what I learned later was laden with large pieces of art. 

I noticed (from my perspective) what appeared to be a large man with a horn of some sort standing in the center of the field.  From my angle, he looked to be playing a tune on his horn and had about five small dancing "objects' in front of him.

My first conclusion?

He must an organ grinder.

.....just without the organ.  Because it looked like he had a horn.  So perhaps he was a.....um, I don't know.....an Oboe grinder maybe?  And why did I think this?  Fuck if I know.  My guess is that I think it is the 1930s.

And these dancing "objects"? 

They must be the Capuchins monkeys that the "Oboe" grinder keeps to dance and do tricks.

And yes, all these computations were taking place while these chicks are trying to make their minds up about chow.  My brain just works like that.

There are times, my minions, when my brain fucks with me.

And then there are times when my eyes play tricks on me.

And then there are those times when my brain and eyes consort together to make me look like an asshole.  And this was one of those times.

Because before I knew it, I was shouting out "Oh my god!!!!  MONKEYS!!  Y'all, look at all of those little monkeys!!"......and pointing my finger at the scene in the field.

And AT THE EXACT SAME TIME I got "......little monkeys" out of my mouth, my brain perks up and my eyes take focus and I realize what I am really gawking at and ultimately drawing attention to:

It is a 9 foot tall STATUE of a horn player and the dancing "objects" in front of it are actually five little black children.

What.
The.
Fuck.

How the fuck do I explain this one?  Not only did my whole group hear me (including the two chicks I had just met literally three seconds before), but so did the 50 or so chicks who were also lingering around the Convention Center.  Now everyone must be thinking "Hey, who brought along the racist dickwad?"

I imagine they were wondering where I kept my sheet and when I was going to break out the cross to burn.

FAIL.

THANK GOD, I think everyone knew that it was just a mistake.  Especially when I exclaimed "Holy shit.....those aren't monkeys and now I feel like an total asshole."

And guess what?  I still do.

Even though it was just a mistake.  I should think before I do things.  Because it not only made me look bad, it made me feel bad, even though I would never had meant it the way I said it.  Also because I know people out there that would have said it and meant it.

*sigh*

BUT.....if shit like this didn't happen to me, then what the fuck would you want to read any of this shit for?

Food for thought.