One More Post About Our New Girl

No, I am not Baby Rowan's mama, but I am a very proud Aunt, so I just have to post these three shots I got of her today.

And NO.......I will not be inundating you with pictures of the baby, because I don't f**king roll like that, yo.  I just happened to be happy with my handiwork with the ole camera.

So suck it up bitches, take a gander and fall in love even more.

Her teeny tiny piggies.

Her tiny little fingers.

Melt in three, two one......

And no, I PROMISE to not be one of those uber annoying ass wipe mothers who post 20 pictures of their new babies every five seconds.

But truth be told, I just cannot get enough of her.

Aw, bliss.

And We Shall Call Her.............

Rowan Marie.

Yes, this is the little angel we have been oh so patiently awaiting now for nine months.  She was born October 17th at 5:17 in the am.

Mommy is doing well.  Daddy is still our resident Douchebag Emeritus.

Me you may ask?

Well, I love her.  Even if she isn't mine.  It is a little sad sometimes........maybe it would be easier and not hurt so much if she was ugly.

But hell, she totally isn't.

More on her to come.

Do You Know What's Great About Camping?

NOTHING!!

Yes, people....I said NOTHING!

Well, maybe that is a little exaggeration.

I am not a camper, therefore I was not a happy camper. I am not the roughed, outdoorsy type of chick. My husband knows this, his family knows this....yet they still insist I freaking camp with them.

WHY???

I think it is because they like to see me suffer, really. They are family, right?

What am I prattling on about you may ask? Well, my freaking family made me go camping this weekend. And I am not talking "let's sleep in a cabin in the woods" camping or "let's hitch up the ole camper" camping......I am talking "let's bring some tents and sleep on the ground" camping.

Look, I will level with y'all...I have NO desire to sleep in a f**king tent. I have NO desire to eat hot dogs cooked on a grate over a fire pit [even though I had a lot of fun saying out loud that I had ashy weiners.  I have NO desire to be practically toted away by mosquitoes and "no-see-ums" (BOTH, by the way, being the state birds of South Carolina).
Communing with nature? Um, yeah...NO THANKS!! If I want to "commune" with nature I will sit on my back porch with my fan, a cold beverage and a bug zapper and never have to leave the creature comforts of the ole homestead. THAT, my minions, is as close to communing with nature as I want to get.  If I want to see wild animals, I will go to the f**king zoo!!   I really don't like to be woken up at 1 in the morning by an army of raccoons raiding my shit.

Okay, so maybe they weren't raiding MY shit, but they raided Jason and Angie's shit.....and yeah, that was a little funny.

Redemption, bitches!!!  For making me miserable.

Okay, so maybe the WHOLE trip wasn't misery. Maybe I enjoyed some of it. I said SOME of it. The weather was wonderful. We camped at the beach, so I got to sit almost all day Saturday on the beach with a book, so that was delightful. And the steaks we cooked (yeah, STEAKS.....I can only do ashy hot dogs for one night before I break out the big guns) were delicious.

And the kids were there. So, yeah....they always make the unbearable bearable for me. They had "discovery" boxes, craft time, and Taylor made a wonderful dessert out of Twinkies, vanilla pudding, pineapples and whip cream.

YUM!!

Down sides? Well, THEY will say the raccoon invasion....bit I personally thought it was funny. We were told by, like, 100 people to PUT YOUR FOOD UP AT NIGHT.....but NO.....Jason is like "those raccoons will never be able to get in that box". Well, four Twinkies, a bag of Frito's and a whole box of Lucky Charms later and guess what? Box was locked in the truck the next night!!  Dudes, I am not talking your run of the mill raccoons here. I am talking mutant Chernobyl raccoons!! I was afraid they would slim jim the truck, hot wire it and take off in it. I can see it now, one steering, one working the foot pedals and the other three chillin' in the back with some brews.

Bastards.

Overall, the trip was livable, but shit.....don't think we are gonna make this a regular occurrence.

Me and nature? Yeah, we don't mix so well.

Douchebag of the Month - October 2010

What is the old saying?  A day late and a dollar short?  Well, my ass is two days late....and if you hear my creditors yelling at me, I am a few thousand dollars short.

I am not going to make anymore excuses for my absenteeism here on the old blog-o-rino.  I have been sick, yes.  But what have I been that is worse than sick these past two weeks?   I have been lazy, I have been unmotivated and well......

I have been a douchebag.

Yes, my minions.....your Douchebag of the Month this month is none other than.....................me.

This is a post for all that is shitty about yours truly.  This is also a post so you don't think I am just some loathing hateful tyrant that likes to sit in the comfort of her own home seething and hating on people because I can.  This is a post so you are aware that I am a SELF loathing hateful tyrant that hates herself a hell of a lot more than I can hate on someone else.

Except maybe Judas.  She is a real "see you next Tuesday" if you catch my drift.

Anyhoo.......I have broke the shit out for y'all in my favorite of all styles......the list:

1.  I hate that I am ridiculously lazy.  I mean, I ABHOR doing anything that will require me to expel any energy if I am not totally game for it.  I mean, sometimes I will tell myself  "Get your fat ass off the couch and get GOING for the love of God and just do ONE F**KING THING PRODUCTIVE TODAY!!"  It drives me bonkers.  I WANT to be the person that goes out and works her ass off in the yard to enjoy the beautiful result at the end of the day.  I WANT to be the go-getter that gets her spring cleaning done so she can sit back with a sense of self satisfaction at the end of the day.  I WANT to be the person that gets all her work done so she can f**k off for the rest of the day and be lazy if she wants to!  BUT NO!!!  I have to sit my ass on the couch until noon everyday thinking of all the things I have to do, but then in the same thought think "Hum....I wonder what's on Springer today?"

2.  I hate that I am a procrastinator.  This has got to be one of my biggest flaws.  If I think I can put something off for an extra moment of not doing that very thing......shit, I am gonna do it.  Take this blog for example.  I would come to the computer, sit down with the best intentions (and a great idea to boot) and then go....."Naw, I will do it tomorrow.  What is one more day?"  Well, that day turns into two days, then four, then shit......TWO WEEKS and I keep saying "What is one more day?"  Sheesh, I am an asshat.  The worst thing I procrastinate is paying bills.  I wait until the very last second to do anything and it usually ends up f**king me.  [Consequently nowadays the procrastination is not what is REALLY messing with me, it is the lack of moo-lah.]

3.  I hate that I hold a grudge, and I can carry hate with me forever.  This is just a terrible trait I have acquired genetically.  There have been instances where I have been able to let go, but those instances are few and far between.  I don't like the way it makes me feel, but I don't like the feeling of being shit on either.  Every time I get to that point to just let go, I get pissed again, and hell......around and around I go again.

4.  I hate that I am selfish and I get pissed when I don't get my way.  This is the hardest thing for me to admit.  Ultimately it seems like everything I do or every favor I give; I do it so it will somehow benefit me.  I may help a friend not because I want to, but because I may get something for it or from it.  I want to change this about myself more than anything in the world, because this is the very trait I despise the most in other people, so it kills me to admit it about myself.

This has been the hardest post in the world for me to write.  No one wants to face the shitty things about their personalities, and they especially don't want to put it out there for everyone and their dog to see; but if I have learned one thing from therapy, it's that if you don't recognize your problems and accept them, you will never change them.

So here I am......pleading with y'all to not hate me for this post.  Don't hate me because I am imperfect.  Don't hate me because I am an asshole.  And don't stop loving me for everything I am (warts and all), even if I am......

.....a f**cking Douchebag.