Douchebag of the Month - September 2010

So I was slack last month and didn't get out my Douchebag of the Month post.  What can I say?  I am a slacker.  HOWEVER, Sara totally rocked out a DOTM post for me and because of that?  She is a f**king rockstar in my book.  And if you didn't read it then, you can read it now if you click here.  If you don't click there and you didn't read it originally, then you suck big ones.....or small ones.  Whichever is more offensive to you.

So now that I am back on top of things (kinda), let me introduce you to our latest and by far most FAMOUS Douchebag of the Month..................................................Paris Hilton.

Okay, I have to admit something.  (And you know you love my little confessions.)  I didn't always hate Paris Hilton.  Shit, I watched her and that other train wreck young lady, Nichole Ritchie on The Simple Life and guess what?  They were funny as shit!  I mean, anyone who changes the Sonic Drive In sign to say "Anus Burgers on Sale" is usually a-okay in my book.  But really, why the hell were they so funny?  Because they were both dumb as bricks.  I love watching stupid people do stupid things.  That is why I watch Fox News and shop at Wal-mart.

But my beef with Paris is not the usual one.  Sure, she is a douchebag because she has had everything given to her on a silver platter and has that silver spoon shoved so far up her ass that you can see the handle when she opens her mouth.  Sure, she has that UNBELIEVABLY annoying baby voice and insists on saying retarded things like "That's hot" and "That's huge".  Sure, she hangs out with asshats that are also just as useless as herself (Brody Jenner, Lindsay Lohan, and any of those pathetic Kardashians).  And sure, she is so stupid she gets busted for possession of cocaine when the coke baggie falls out of her purse when she goes to get lip gloss.  YEAH......FREAKING LIP GLOSS!!  Why the hell do you give a flying shit about your  lip gloss when the po-po have you pulled over and you KNOW you have blow in your purse? 

All of that aside, why do I, a small town chick from the Deep South, have a beef with this particularly annoying mentally deficient waste of space?  Well, let me tell ya.

When me and the girls went to Charlotte for our nerd convention, we stayed at the Hilton because they were giving CK a discount rate if you stayed there.  We called and booked our room and told them FOUR chicks would be staying in the room.  We get there and are surprised to see two DOUBLE beds in the room.

WHA-WHA-WHAT?? 

I mean, seriously.  They expected two chicks to sleep in ONE DOUBLE BED.  WTF?  Doesn't the Hilton make enough money that they can throw a couple of queen size beds in there or at least f**king couch when you tell the FOUR people will be staying there? 

So, not wanted to dwell on the fact that I am a fat chick, but come on.  If you have seen a scrapbooker, most of them are not skinny minis.  Shit, at the convention, the first t-shirts to sell out were the 4X ones.  WHAT??  Yeah, shocked the shit out of me as well.  So needless to say, our room was like a fat chick convention in and of itself.

So of course I am the one roped into sleeping with not only the BIGGEST chick out of the group, but one that once she is asleep is like an alligator in a death roll.  F**king toss and turn, and turn and toss, and toss and turn some more.  [Thanks Brandy and Yvonne - y'all got some karma coming YOUR way].

ARGGGGG!!!

The first night?  2 hours sleep.  The second night?  3 hours sleep (but only AFTER I crawled onto the floor and cried myself to sleep in the fetal position).  Finally on the third night I smartened up, pulled together two chairs facing each other, grabbed some blankets to make a chair pallet, took a very large Valium and it was off to sleepy time land.

So why am I telling you this?  Because I am convinced that if Paris Hilton didn't have to have solid gold toilet paper, fourteen private jets, and a stable of robots telling her 24/7 that she is smart and funny, that her farts smell like cinnamon rolls, that she DIDN'T look like a total whore in that porn she did and that she ISN'T A F**KING DOUCHEBAG, that maybe...JUST MAYBE, the Hilton Hotel could afford some BIGGER F**KING BEDS!!!!!!!

So yes, I am holding YOU completely accountable, Paris,  for my shitty stay, horrible neck and back pains, and for all the angst and anger I had while lying in a puddle of my own tears on your shitty hotel room floor.

Choke on it you coked up whore.  Or maybe you can PAY someone to choke on it for you.

Jesus Spoke to me and Called me a Fatass

How do I know this is Jesus, you may ask.....well, because anyone who takes the time to post something on a blog obviously cares for you or they would have just moved on - right?  Plus, the Bible and that chick in the mall that tried to get me to buy a paper flower for a "donation" told me "Jesus loves you"......so I just put two and two together, and BAM....it must have been Jesus.

As I previously stated before, I moderate all my comments.  I do it because I want to see ALL the comments that get posted to my blog.  I want to weed out the spammers and if someone thinks I have a fat ass and a boring life, I want to know.  I made a vow to publish ALL comments as they are given because, hell, THEY took the time to post, so the least I can do is give them a little play - right?  Right.

Funny thing is this.....if this person wanted to insult me, why did they go for "fatass", "fat chick" and "you have a boring life"?  I mean, HELLO....I KNOW I am a fat chick.  F**k, I have posted PICTURES OF MYSELF, so unless you are blind or just a retard you know I am a fat chick.  Also, isn't it presumable that if I am a fat chick, I have a fatass?  Of course!!  And a boring life, hell....I am HAPPY I have a boring life.  Drama is for suckers and those asshats on Jersey Shore.   I spend 75% of my day on this computer working, and everyone knows this shit is BORING!!

Anyone with half a brain would know how to REALLY insult me.  But I am not going to insult the smart followers I have by telling you how to do that.  I am gonna see how smart YOU are by letting you figure that one out on your own.  But if you really do insult me, I will give you props for it and hell, maybe even give you a thumbs up and a gold star (but trust me, it is really hard to do).

But in case it WAS Jesus and not some other asshat posting, I just want to say thanks.  I love knowing I was touched by the Divine.

And I meant THE DIVINE:

Not this DIVINE:

Even though being touched by Divine might have been cool, if not REALLY REALLY scary.

Lessons in Buttons and Dictatorship

As I mentioned in a previous post, I created a button for my blog.  If you failed to see it, here it is again:

Why am I showing you this, you may ask?  Well, because it is cute as hell for one.  I mean, who doesn't like a little kitty butt?  Seriously, I have an air freshener and magnet set all of kitty butts.

I mean, these magnets rock.  If you don't think they do, then you are lame.

But, aside from that, there is another reason for telling you about my button.  I want you to put the f**ker on your blog.  DO IT!!  I want more minions and I cannot take over the world without your help.  And YES....I am aware that my fellow blogger Iron Criterion is also trying to take over the world and be the leader, but I just want to take over the world.  After than, Iron can lead the charge.  I will just sit on my throne with my tiara and septor and look pretty. 

It is a win-win situation, y'all.

Okay, so there was a question as to HOW to put my button on your blog.  I will give you step by step instructions on how to do this task.

Step 1:  Copy my button to your computer.  Make sure you put it in a folder where you can find it again because I lose shit on my computer all the time.  I am convinced there is a folder somewhere on this f**ker that has all my lost shit. 

Step 2:  Go to your Dashboard and select  Design.  And in case you can't see the picture, there are truffles referred to in that post.  Ummmm.......truffles.

Step 3:  Click on Add a Gadget.

Step 4:  Select Picture.

Step 5:  Upload my button picture from your computer folder to the blog.  Make sure to give me a catchy title and caption.  Also, make sure you put my blog info (http://www.scrappinamber.blogspot.com/) in the "link" section, so when people see my button, they can push it and visit me!!  I wish it was always that easy to visit me.  When I am Queen of the world, I will make sure all of  you have a button you can push to magically visit me.  PROMISE!!!

And that is it!!!  Make sure to comment here or send me an email when you accomplish my bidding. 

I have a desperate narcissistic need to BE ON YOUR BLOG!!!  I am not going to go so far as to say I am seeking famosity like my blogger bestie, Annah Banana, but I would sure love to take over the world.

Oh, and before I forget!!  I was awarded an award from my fellow Viking Warrior (did I mention I am a Viking?), Iron Criterion and it was the coolest!!  Seems he finds me quite the little dictator, so he awarded me with:

The Stalin Approved Misanthrope Award

This award was awarded to me for being "a fellow misanthrope who also suffers from a condition known as ‘bluntlystateitgitis’. She receives this award for putting douchebags in their place monthly and for being the result of an insane experiment to turn the Hulk’s anger into something productive".

F**K YEAH!!!

Feels good to be acknowledged and appreciated.  And this award?  Is MINE bitches.  No one else is getting this one.  This is the one award that I will keep all to myself, so there [sticks out tongue].  Thanks Iron, you rock my world!!

Okay, enough niceity.....get on the ball and put my button on your blog.....

Everyone else is doing, so you should too.

Humor Me, Y'all

I know half of y'all who read my blog probably do not watch the videos I post.  I get that.  Some people have shitty taste in videos, so you don't want to waste the time watching it.

I GET IT.

BUT, you HAVE to humor me on this one.  The following is probably the funniest thing I have EVER seen on the web.  Maybe it is because I find Southern people hilarious.  Maybe it is because I like shit humor.  Or maybe because it IS the funniest f**king video ever.  If I were Bob Saget (and thank the sweet Lord I am not), this video would have won the $100,000.00!!



Now for y'all out there who are now scratching your head thinking "What the HELL was that dude saying", take it from me, it was funny as shit.  But because I am the accommodating person I am, I will translate some of it for you.

It starts out with said Southern dude wanting to show you how well his dog, Joby, minds him (Hence the "Today I wanna show y'all how this dog, he minds so good").  He sees him playing with the ball and proceeds to say "Bring the ball back now, boy", but Joby would rather run with the ball to the sea, which upset the owner to which he screams "Don't go in that damn water, boy, you gonna get wet and I ain't gonna take you home....now he gots him damn feet wet, shit dog".

While trying to coax Joby back with "Come on Joby, show em how goods you mind me, boy", the dog starts circling the ball.  At this the owner says (and I quote verbatim for those who didn't understand him) "He's just studying it right now.  He gots to do a little meditating now, you know how dogs is and all, they gots to think a little bit and ponder the whole situation cuz he................."

And then Joby drops a deuce.

"Oh, Joby whatcha doin dogggggggggg.  Joby that's the nastiest thang I ever seen you doing, boy.  Bring your ball.......the shit gonna get on your ball.........."

Joby then decides to lay right in the deuce.

"Oh, good night.....oh, crank the car up girl, crank the car get me the hell outta here.  I ain't taken that ole shitty dog home with me."

And that people, is the funniest video EVER.

Hillbillies, Bootleggers, Outlaws and Me

I think I have it figured out.  I think I understand now why I can be such a bitch.

I am Scotch-Irish.

Yup, I am Scotch-Irish.  Not know what that is?  Well let me give you a little history lesson (I watched a WONDERFUL documentary about this and it answered a lot of questions about me).

It seems there was a group of Scottish folk back in the 1600s that immigrated to Ireland (to the Province of Ulster)  because....well diplomatically speaking because of their Calvinistic views and because they wanted to practice religion without persecution; but in reality it was because they were assholes.  This group of people were pretty much angry, antisocial people that didn't get along with their fellow Scotsman.

So they end up in Ireland and guess what?  The Irish hate them too.  These people were really such dicks that they were not like anywhere they went.  They were generally just very disagreeable. 

So in the 1700s,  these assholes start immigrating to the 13 colonies in America.  And is it not surprising that they couldn't get along with anyone??  They were immigrating with Scots and Irish, but they (and Scottish and Irish) did not consider them one or the other.  So introduce the Americanized word, Scotch-Irish. 

And it should be no big surprise that the Scotch-Irish didn't get along with anyone AGAIN.  They were rabble rousers and all around jerks really.  So they literally headed for the hills and settled in the Appalachian, Great Smoky and Blue Ridge Mountains.  These are the people that eventually became the "outlaws" in the 1800s, and "hillbillies" and later "bootleggers" in the early 1900s.  They were fiercely loyal and family oriented, but outwardly suspicious of outsiders and all around assholes to people outside their society.

Enter me.

I have traced my family back to County Tyrone, Ireland which happens to be in the Province of Ulster.  Yeah, the exact area were the soon to be Scotch-Irish settled.  My family is from the mountains in Virginia and my father always told me I was Scotch-Irish.

Never really knowing what that meant, I didn't really care one way or the other.

But after seeing this documentary, I now realize that being Scotch-Irish may be the reason I am disagreeable, bitchy, and hard to get along with sometimes.

I broke it down like this:

My mother - SAINT.  Sweetest woman on the planet.  Gets angry, but is understanding and generous.  NOT SCOTCH-IRISH.
Dawn - again, awesomely generous and sweet.  Has a little fire to her, but is really a big emotional teddy bear.  She is my half sister (not my father's daughter) and NOT SCOTCH-IRISH.
Arlinda - one of the sweetest souls ever and literally does not have a mean bone in her body.  Again, she is my half sister so she is NOT SCOTCH-IRISH.
My father - in his older age has become very mellow, but in his younger years, very difficult to get along with.  HIGHLY OPINIONATED, gets angry and can hold a grudge.  Definitely has the ability to hurt your feelings and be mean, but is loyal to his family and loves with "tough love".  Can be an asshole.  [NOTE TO DAD:  Don't get mad at this - you know I am speaking the damn truth and trying to make a point.]  SCOTCH-IRISH.
Erin - very temperamental.  Angry a lot and has the ability to slice you in half with one look.  Irritable 90% of the time and spends a lot of time fuming about the stupidity of others.  Again, very loyal to her family; even if she is even a BIGGER asshole to us more times than not.  SCOTCH-IRISH.
Me - yeah, I am a bitch.  I hold a grudge.  I am a smart ass and do not handle stupidity and I will tell you when you are being a dick.  I have a tendency to open my mouth and piss people off including my family.  I am unbelievably loyal, but will kick your ass when you need it and make NO apologies for it.  VERY SCOTCH-IRISH.

Do we see a pattern?

Oh, yeah we do.

Just wanted you to know that it is out of my control when it comes to me being bitchy.  It is in my blood, in my DNA thanks to my father.  I may live in a nice middle class neighborhood and work a professional job, but in my heart I am a hillbilly.

I guess they can take the chick out of the mountains, but never take the mountains out of the chick.

Hello Long Lost Minions......

Yes, my lovers, it is I.  But sadly, this is not going to be a long post.  But I PROMISE I have several in the works as we speak. 

First, I want to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to Sara and Annah for covering for me while I was gone.  They are always funny as shit and I love them for it.  If you did not read their posts then you suck big time. 

I made it back from Charlotte in one piece and that is not an easy feat when you have six chicks staying together for four days.  There were highs and lows, but I wouldn't change any of it for the world - except me having to sleep on a f**king chair for two days......but, hey - more of that to come real soon.

What I need from my loyal followers right now involves two clicks of the mouse.  One to click here and then one click to vote in the top right corner.  I am trying to win some shit, so JUST DO IT!!  And guess what??  You can vote everyday until Sunday, so push off and make me proud bitches!!

Okay, I have to get to funk outta here.  I gots some work to do.

Peace Out!!

Rio

Considering the lovely Miss Amber is away on vacation and I agreed to write a guest post but then left town myself, traveling is definitely on the brain and writing is not. I had the pleasure of going to Rio de Janeiro in the summer of '06 and fell in love with its beaches, contagious music and beautiful people (hmmmm also scrumptious food). Enjoy some of the pictures from my getaway and if you ever have a few extra dollars and a week to spare, make your way down to the land of samba and sip fresh coconut water while the ocean waves crash in on a perfectly sunny afternoon. Cheers!

Douchebag of the Month - Sara Style

Hi bitches! First off, let's all give Amber some fist pumps and leg pumps if you aren't handicapped for letting me guest post. I love her long time. But she's all having fun somewhere so I'm going to take over this little piece of heaven and do a post I have wanted to do on my own blog for MONTHS but I can't. Because this douche? Reads my blog. I'm pretty sure. She's all on the down low like I'm some fucking retard, but for real. I don't need another stalker. I've got three on my plate and quite frankly, that's all a girl can handle. At least a girl without a gun permit.

Anyways. So let's call this douche D, shall we? See, D and I used to be really good friends. We worked together for awhile and as we worked together I got to know her and she got to know me. It was all sparkles and midgets riding unicorns. We would go on shopping road trips, we'd talk about our marriages and I made the lethal mistake of talking to her about our boss. And honestly? I didn't think anything of it because we were friends and she had the same opinion I had.

After awhile I started getting the impression that some of the things I would tell her would get back to our boss. Whom she had become super chummy with even though she insisted she didn't like her. She would say how incompetent our boss was but then when bossy came anywhere near us, all of a sudden our boss was a genius. Best supervisor ever. So smart and classy on how she handled things. Which seriously couldn't be farther from the truth. Michael Scott from The Office is a more competent supervisor than what we were working with. So I started easing up on socializing with her.

Fast forward 5 months. It's November, Thanksgiving week. I got sick, really sick. In fact, I had H1N1. I pretty much thought I was dying. Thanksgiving week we were only scheduled to work Monday & Tuesday and the rest of the week we were being paid for holiday time. Which was really convenient because there was no way in hell I was going to make it into work. I seriously thought I was going to die because of some irresponsible parent in Mexico letting her punk son play with fucking pigs all day and then not washing his hands and then wiping his germs all over everybody thus starting a huge epidemic. Assholes. ANYWAYS.

So I'm super sick, I think I'm dying. I'm in quarantine in my bedroom because my husband and kids think I am dying. During the day, my house phone continues ringing off the hook. People are worried about me and calling to see if I really am dying and they are basically trying to ask me in the nicest way possible if I would be willing to give them my shoe collection. Which you know, is kind of rude. I'm not dead yet whores.

I sleep for huge stretches of the day but when I wake up I'm lucid. I may be dying but I'm still with the program. You can only watch Food Network and VH1 reality shows for so long. Eventually you end up on Facebook. So I periodically post on Facebook what my health is like, where my fever is at. And unplug my phone. I figure, if people want to know, they'll go on my Facebook. Which is what they did. I had one friend come over, with her husband, and they both tried to convince me to go to the emergency room. I called D to see if I was missing anything major at work and she said I wasn't. She seemed genuinely concerned about my health. I told her I might be going to the ER but that I didn't really want to.

I miss most of Thanksgiving because Wednesday night I developed an absolutely horrible cough. You know, the kind where you are sure that an entire lung might come up. Saturday I went to Urgent Care where they tell me that I have bronchitis (joy) and that I am in the end stages of H1N1, but should be OK. Lots of rest & fluids. No kidding, but I walk out with an antibiotic for the bronchitis because that with H1N1 isn't good apparently.

I go to work on Monday and my boss promptly says, "How was your vacation?"

Uh- jigga say wah??

It turns OUT.... that D told my boss that I was faking it. That I wasn't really sick I was just trying to take a full week off but use my sick leave so I could use my vacation later on. Yeah. To say things went downhill with D and my boss soon after that is an understatement. I stayed there for another 6 months until it became abundantly clear that not only was my boss trying to get me out of there but that D was in on it. She was snooping around my desk and essentially making things up about me. Then I was put on a probation of sorts because of my blog. I was asked to remove a few posts, all of them apparently violated confidentiality. Posts included were: one about a recipe (that was given to me by a client. Which was then published in a cookbook.), one about a trip to IKEA with D, one was a concert post that D went to with me and two other of my friends, and one was about how I deal with the death of volunteers (I worked for a volunteer agency). Now, I think this is asinine, but whatever.

I had debated for a long time whether or not to quit and then a lot of personal things came up with my family and I had no choice but to quit. And I am forever thankful. Because when I came to pack my desk? There was D, acting as if she were afraid of me. As if I would kick her ass right there in the office. Then she helps me carry stuff out to my vehicle and tells me that she's sorry things ended this way.

What? You're sorry that you're a backstabbing bitch? Well that's good because I hope you remember that when karma kicks you in the ass.

Reminder.....

Good afternoon minions!!  Imagine this.....two posts from little ole me in less than 7 days.

Can I get a funk yeah!!!

Well, before y'all get too excited, this is just a teeny tiny post to remind you that:

1. I am still alive and NO, I have not been committed quite yet;
2. I am still recovering from being raped by a jellyfish;
3. I am going on a scrapbooking retreat with some of my favorite bitches of all time; AND
4. Sara is guest posting TOMORROW and Annah is guest posting on FRIDAY!!!!!

Tune in for their ab fab posts and pray for me.

Pray that my legs don't fall off, I don't lose my mind, and me and my friends are still friends by the time we get back on Sunday.

And if praying is not your bag, just humor me.

F**kers.

LOVE YOU!!!!!!

I Fought the Man and the Man Won......

Yup, it seems I have been bested.  Not once but twice.  While at the beach with the fam last Saturday (it was Sweet Joshua's 36th birthday), I was attacked by a Portuguese Man-o-war jelly fish.  Attacked is putting it mildly.  Y'all, I am not sure if the damn thing was trying to eat me or f**k me.  Evidence?  I have your evidence right here:

Um, yeah....that was Day 1, like RIGHT after I got off the beach. Let me just say this......when it happened it felt like my whole f**king lower body was on fire. Like I was being misted with boiling hot water and fire poker hot needles. NOT what you want to experience while trying to enjoy the one freaking day off you have had in like, 14 days!! I was out in the water with my 12 year old niece, Taylor when it happened and all I could think when I was on fire was "Don't say f**k in front of Taylor, don't say f**k in front of Taylor.....".

So I said this little asshole bested me twice, right?  Well, it seems that I AM FREAKING ALLERGIC TO THIS BITCH!!  Yes, I am in IMMENSE discomfort because everywhere this thing hit me I have broken out in some sort of super duper itchy bitchy rash.  Take those two pictures above and multiple them by 100 and you MAY get close to what my legs look like right now.   Honestly, I am convinced I have smallpox, y'all.  It is so terrible.  I have checked all the websites and it looks like you have a 1 in 10 chance of being allergic to a man-o-war's sting and if you are you will be accosted by this rash for UP TO 2 MONTHS.....

WHA-WHA-WHAT??

You're kidding me right?

F**king asshole.

It seems the coast had a bit of a jellyfish invasion the weekend of the 31st (the day we were out there).  Whereas most  jellyfish sting reports are about 4 or 5 a month in the summer for Isle of Palms, there were over 300 reported in two days there.  My father called me on Sunday (the day AFTER we were there) to tell me he had read in the paper about the invasion, and I was like "Um, yeah....thanks, about 24 hours too late with that info Daddy-O..."  Hey, he was looking out for me.

The rest of the day was wonderful.  We were out there with the fam because my Sweet Joshua shares his birthday with his twin brother (DUH) and his twin brother's son.  So because those three birthdays are kind of the nexus of what I lovingly term "The Birthday Season" (starting in June until the middle of August, we have no less than 10 birthdays in my husband's family).  So we kinda celebrate them all together at one function.  Hey, it is more economical that way, yo!

After recovering from the attack, us chicks (me, Angie and Taylor) headed down the beach to do some people watching (the freaks come out at the beach y'all), and we came across what turned out to be a very dead horseshoe crab.  I thought, "Man, Hastings would think this is the coolest (he is five)", so I talked Angie into hauling the thing back down the beach.  So here we are....now WE are the freaks carrying this cool, yet very dead animal down the beach.  We get back to our spot, excited to see Hasting's response to this mammoth horseshoe crab (this thing was like 2 feet long) and he barely looks up from his Frisbee game with his Uncle Joshua.  I mean, what?  This kid will just about nut the f**k up over a teeny tiny crab SKELETON......or go ape shit over finding "sand nickles" (which are broken pieces of sand dollars).  So I am like, "Look here, we drug this thing half way from shinola for you to look at, so look at it!!"  He looks at it and says "Ewww.....he stinks!!"

About that time, the smell hits you......it smelled literally like rotten shit.  I started laughing because it was Angie who physically hauled this rotten dead thing down the beach.  She smells her hand and about vomits!!  I said "Ugh, it smells like death", to which my niece responds "If that is what death smells like, I never ever want to die".

Ain't that the damn truth!!

So that is about it in a nutshell.  I have been OUT OF CONTROL with working two jobs, keeping track of my house, cooking din-din, etc...basically being the domestic diva y'all know me to be, right?  Well, throw on top of that the fact that I am planning a scrapbooking vacation with five of my best girlfriends and what do you get?

Someone who is just about to a breaking point!! 

So I have asked two of my favorite bloggers to help me out!!  I am leaving for vaca on Wednesday of next week and will be returning the following Sunday.  I have asked Sara over at Sara's Organized Chaos to guest post for me on Tuesday, the 10th and have asked Annah over at Red Means Go to guest post for Friday, the 13th.   I have to say, I am super excited to have these wonderful bloggers help me out next week.  Girls, you are seriously keeping me out of the nuthouse, and I will make it up to you!  Love you guys!!

Well, Joshua is moping around and is itching (no pun intended) to watch a movie, so I have to run.  I promise, promise, promise to get back on the ball soon!!

Love to you all!!

Another Short Post

I am just popping in for a minute to check out some of my blogs (I am a little behind on reading) and to make a super quick post.  I am super slammed with work today and y'all, the shit is just not letting up!!  I am NOT complaining because guess what?  I can f**king buy groceries and pay my mortgage!!  Can I get a whoop whoop, people?

So, I have a great post in the works for tomorrow or Thursday, complete with birthday pictures (the hubs turned the big 3-6), and tales of my battles with a jellyfish (um, HE may have won). 

I also have an exciting announcement to make.....

Annah Banana from Red Means Go and Smart Ass Sara from Welcome to Sara's Organized Chaos will be doing guest posts for me this month!!  How f**king awesome will that be?  I am the luckiest chicka in the US of A, because these two bitches [heart] me!!  And I just [heart] them right back (oh, and "bitches" is such a loving term to me.....so don't be a hater, yo!)

More on that to come my lovers!!  I promise the next post will be worth the wait.

Peace out bitches!

Um...yeah

I suck.  I will be the first to admit it, I totally suck.

I have not worked on my Douchebag of the Month post for this month.  I have been overworked and under paid.

I did get to spend the whole day yesterday with Sweet Joshua yesterday for his birthday!!  We spent the day at Isle of Palms with the family and it was wonderful other than being completely f**ked over by a jellyfish.

I will be posting some pics and a better post on....shit, I don't know.....Monday or Tuesday?  My world has been turned completely upside down and shook up, so it is going to take a little while for me to get back in the groove.

Until then lovers!!